MC Studios Resturant Review

After a relaxing run around Atlanta, I decided to stop by MC Studios and try their Diner and a Movie Wednesday special. Upon entering I was greeted by a lovely hostess with who I entertained myself with. Swinging on vines, running down hills, and exploring the disgustingly, dangerous depths of the female anatomy, was quite enough to work up an appetite. After dining on homemade Cloud Cookies, my dinner dates arrived and we were treated to a very special meal of spaghetti & meatballs and oven baked tea. The meal couldn’t of come at a more opportune time as Iron Man 2 was just beginning to load. After a highly enjoyable romp though the misadventures of Tony Stark, Ip Man 2 hushed us all with it’s over the top depiction of Wing Chun martial arts. If it can continue to entertain with as much gusto as last night, MC Studios has a very bright future ahead of itself.

My analysis of the meals are as follows.

JAMIL GREEN’S CLOUD COOKIES

Jamil steals slices of heaven to craft his Cloud Cookies

I can’t speak for anyone else but when I think of sugar cookies I think of “oodles of fun in my mouth” and Jamil Green’s Cloud Cookies failed not to disappoint. Drawing from the inspiration of his homeland, Jamil crafts such delicacies with only the simplest of materials. Along with his skill comes consistency with each batch tasting just as good as the last. My only complaint came when Jamil left the baking duties up to Micheal Hicks in which the quality of the cookies took a downfall. That nigger should stick to making Kool-Aid and Limptons’ Ice Tea. I felt that the batch could maybe use a little but more sugar but all in all, very scrumptious.

4 Stars

MICHEAL HICK’S OVEN BAKED TEA

Having lived in Georgia for longer than I care to admit, you grow accustomed to the tom foolery and shenanigans that come with the territory. That was until I had my first sip of Micheal Hick’s Oven Baked Tea. Slavery may have ended in the 1800s but the way Hicks bakes his iced tea, you’d think there was a wrinkly, old, overseer behind him beating him with a whip – it tastes so good. Like the very foundations this great country of America was founded, Hick’s Oven Baked tea tastes like a heaping gulp of Freedom.

4 Stars

DOMONIKE STANTON’S NOODLES & MEAT

I’d had many different types of spaghetti before but Domo’s Noodles & Meat is somewhat of a “marvel.”Upon originally hearing of Mr. Stanton’s chiefly duties, I admit, I was nervous. My doubts however were put to death faster than a kryptonite shank in the heart of Clark Kent.

Combining his street wise upbringing with his soft spoken demeanor, Domo has proven to be an assassin in the kitchen. You’ve heard the expression “he put his foot in this meal?” Well Domo put his entire crouch in his Noodles & Meat recipe. The taste, the smell, the texture, Domo’s Noodles & Meat will rape your taste buds and have you begging for mercy.

5 Stars


The Hunger

It was smack dab in the middle of spring. The simmering heat continued to grow daily, continued to fuel the insanity in the minds of the people and with spring came seasonal urges. Urges that were deep and dark, ravaging, akin to a hunger. A hunger which grows daily of every minute of every second and consumes every fiber of his being. He needed a release and he needed it soon. But with no significant other or beneficial friend in sight, the pride of his namesake began to swell. Deprived of satisfaction they began to turn blue and the heavy weight of their burden began to poison his mind.

 

A side of him began to take over. A dark side, an anomalistic nature that threatened the relationships of friends and forgave the past grievances of enemies. This beast cares not for food, currency, or shelter; it lives for only one desire. That sweet, succulent, flower of life. The smell of it, the taste of it, the mere thought of it drives him mad. Past memories once again resurface; tiny hairs brushing against his nose and scratching his throat as the warm ambrosia trickled down his chin.

 

Pushing the memories back into the recesses of his mind, he tries valiantly to hold on for just a little longer. To not make prey of the unsuspecting hips that swivel in rhythmic motion as if paying tribute to his every waking fantasy. He can only fight this desire for so long before it overwhelms him completely. Until he becomes the savage slave of his passion he so desperately tries to defy.

Jaguar Paw and his Day of Many Blessings.

Part 1

3/19/2011

 

Today’s tale centers not on me but a very good friend of mine by the name of Curron or as I like to call him, Jaguar Paw. It all began at 9am in the morning when I awoke with great determination to topple the mountain of mess that had accumulated in my house. Having conquered that beast, I go over to my pal Jaguar Paw’s den and the true story begins.

 

JP was very excited because today was the day that he would get to meet the princess that he had been courting. Knowing she was to be performing at a concert, JP decided to attend the show and finally meet his muse. I left to go back to my place and while getting ready to cook some tacos, I hear a “knock knock” on my door. Opening it, JP informs me that he locked himself out of the den and had no way to get back in. After a failed attempt to talk the landlord into opening the door for him, JP, The Chai, and I brainstormed over what he could do while stuffing our faces with tacos.

 

JP tried calling the Black Mamba, his roommate but his howls were left unanswered. With a dead line to be at the concert by 7pm, JP and I decided to run some errands first while waiting for Mamba, the first being to go to Sam’s Flax and pick up some supplies. Along the way we run into a couple of Gher Bears who were off on an adventure of their own. That’s when JP gets the call from Mamba to go back to the landlord and talk to him. So we turn around and JP is able to get back into the den to which we hit the restart button on the Sam Flax adventure.

 

After tip toeing through construction sites, holding our breath through dust storms, and hiking mountainous hills, we made it. Calves burning with the fire of a thousand splendid suns, I take a knee while JP goes on his shopping spree. To his surprise all canvases were discounted 70% off so after some careful mental math, deductive reasoning, and the knowledge that he would most likely go hungry for the next week, we ended up leaving with 5 canvases at $100 and some change. A small fortune to pay for a future masterpiece I think.

 

But now the real trial began. The journey to Sam Flax was hard enough but now we had to walk back with an arm full of canvases. I originally wanted to theif a cart from Sam Flax but the honorable JP talked me out of it and instead we heaved the canvases down the street on foot. A few paces and my mind was already beginning to dread the journey. I just wished someone, anyone would seek pity on us and help us out. And that’s exactly what happened.

 

A kind-hearted, saint of a woman named Cheryl, with ebony locks of exquisite beauty slowed her red car to a halt, rolled down her windows, and said three magical words; “need a ride?” JP looked a little taken aback but being a veteran of many hitch hike adventures, I jumped at the opportunity and loaded the canvases in the car. Cheyrl was just coming off of work at a fabric store down the street and took pity on us so decided to offer us a ride. Hailing from the isles of Jamaica, her accent enthralled her every word as she told us more about herself and we to her. Dropping us off at the den, we heartily thanked her and delivered the canvases back to the house after which we downed a refreshing bottle of pineapple Smirnoff.

 

JP then suited up in his Saturday best in preparation to meet the woman of his dreams. Today ends my rendition of the tale but something tells me this story is far from being finished.

 

Meals For Ballers on a Budget

CHAPTER I

“Tacos a la Man”

I dedicate this chapter to Kroger and their lackluster security. Without you none of this would have been possible. Thank you for your donations.

INGREDIENTS

Tomatoes

Carrots

1lb Ground Beef

Green Beans

Taco Seasoning

Whole Wheat Tortillas

Cucumber

Onion

Shreded Cheese

STEPS

1. Put ground beef in skillet. Turn heat to a medium low. Let meat fry until brown. Periodically stir and chop the meat until it is in bite size morsels.

2. While meat is browning, gather up the veggies and begin to chop them down to size.

You can buy these for 3 bucks a vine at Kroger or you can just pluck 2 or 3 off a vine and steal them. The thieving way will result in a minor loss of karma but I recently saved some orphans from a burning building so I’m good. Judge for yourself how much karma you can afford to lose when gathering ingredients for your meal.

3. The meat should be finished by now. Reduce heat and drain the meat of any excess fat.

Don’t worry, I assure you that’s not a cup full of piss. It’s just cow meat juice.

4. Add in the taco seasoning and ¾ a cup of water. Stir until properly blended. Turn heat back to a medium setting so the meat can bring itself to a boil.

5. Rip open those tortilla shells and shove em in the oven. Put the oven on broil and let them bake for about 2 to 3 minutes. Check frequently!

With the help of Ms. Frizzle I was able to shrink myself down to one tenth my normal size and captured the baking of the tortillas from inside the oven. PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

6. Once the meat is finished boiling, turn off heat stupid.Tortillas should be finished by now so begin to pile on the goodness.

7. For the purposes of the viewer I individually piled on the toppings. For better results, find yourself a cup, plastic wrap, and rubber band. Pour all the vegetables in the cup and seal it up with plastic wrap and rubber band. Shake the cup like the bitch owes you money. Now you have yourself a cup full of evenly mixed toppings. YEAH!

8. The most important step. BON APETITE!

Please, Respect the Penis

“The Bearded Clam,” “The Whispering Eye,” “The Sticky Icky. ” She goes by many names be we all commonly know her as vagina.

Trannies want it, females got it, and males gotta have it! Since the dawn of the first muti-celled organism, or whatever the fuck they call dinosaurs these days, vagina has been the most coveted item in the world.

I hear a lot of talk here and there about vagina this and vagina that. Seems to me that in this society we live in, a lot of respect is being given to vaginas. There have even been HBO Specials where entire monologues, poems, and dissertations are written about them. And that’s cool, I have nothing against that. But never in my life have I or will I hear a tribute of any kind dedicated to my pal, the penis.

Now I’m not saying that a penis is more important than a vagina or vice versa. All I’m saying is that the penis should get more respect then it’s given which is basically NONE.

I know a vagina does a lot of work, I mean, if I had someone pounding me my entire life, trust me, I’d want an award of recognition too but owning a penis requires a certain level of sophistication and cunning that most of us respectable “swordsmen” just don’t get credit for.

You see, having a penis is a lot like having an overzealous friend who’s always trying to get you into some crazy shit. You’re like “no man, I think that’s a bad idea,” but he’s like “c’maaaawn, whats the worse that could happen?” And then you wake up the next day with herpes in your mouth.

Didn’t happen to me or anything. Just saying, when you have a penis you have to learn how to fight against yourself, internally. Not some of the time, ALL THE TIME. Cause everyday it’s a new adventure for what kinda stupid shit your penis wants to get into. So in honor of penises everywhere, I hereby state that this Thursday and every other first Thursday of the month be known as “Testicle Thursday.” It will be a day when all brothers of the testes, albeit natural or synthetic, vertebrae or invertebrate, shall come together as one and rejoice in the admiration, brotherhood and respect of the responsibility it takes to own a penis.

Mark it on your calendars men. Testicle Thursday March 3, 2011. Don’t be a pussy, show up.

*Drops Mic*

Bums Runing a muck Over the City

3/1/11

As I was walking to the Art Center Station today, triumphant in the free cookie I received at Subway by my honorable pal Amani, I was caught off guard by the savagery that stood before me. The loud “ka-chunk” of the stick hitting the trunk of the tree woke me out of my happy-go-lucky daze and startled me as tiny specks of debris flew into my direction.

 

Confused, I stood my ground and looked up to see a rampaging bum duking it out with a motionless tree. The bum angrily began to shout besmirchments at the tree and repeatedly assaulted it with sticks. Now I didn’t know the full story of what happened between bum and tree but even though tree was taking a severe beating, I could not help but think he was not completely innocent in all of this.

The tree must have said something to the bum to get him all riled up. But what? What could a plant, the lowest of the food chain, say to a man, the king of the food chain, that would get him so worked up as to attack it in broad daylight? And then I saw it.

Scratched into his rough, jagged, bark was the word…”nigger.”  This tree was a racist.