I clock in to work today and go through the usual “new guy” routine of everyone telling me how to do the same task 50 different ways. During this education in micro management, one of my superiors leads me over to my work station and informs me on how to do the job I was just told to do by one of my other superiors. Using Charles Xavier type levels of psychic energies, I suppressed my pride deep down inside my subconscious as to not lash out and say something I would regret. Then she goes in for the kill; there is a red, 18inch, container on the ground. She looks at the container, looks at me, looks back at the container and says “do you want me to lift this up on the counter for you?”
Immediately all the internal alarms of my machismo went off in my subconscious which made me quickly reassure her that I could handle it. “No, I got it,” was my reply to her. I said it in a normal demeanor but on the inside I was full of confusion, disappointment, and rage. Did she really think I couldn’t lift a 20lb (at most) bucket 3 feet in the air? Was this a joke? Some cruel attempt at sarcasm perhaps that I couldn’t quite pick up on? I honestly don’t know.
This hasn’t been the first time however this sort of thing has happened to me. On the job, at school, in the playground, no matter where I am people seem to think I’m not capable of the most basic functions of masculinity. I blame it on my face. I have an adorable face, there, I said it. I can’t help it, I’ve tried the “rugged” look but my stupid adolescent face won’t grow hair properly so I just end up looking like a bum with random splotches of hair glued to my face.
This whole “cute” thing was cool when I was a kid and I thrived on pity but I’m quickly approaching my mid 20’s and I’d like to, you know, be perceived as a man now. I guess I shouldn’t complain though. I mean things could be worse. I could be ugly. And there ain’t no silver lining in that cloud.