Every now and then an event so masculine passes your way and the testosterone levels in your body shoot up, making your mouth shout
it’s deadliest war cry. Today I stumbled upon an event like this.
The Whisker Wars. An entire series on the IFC documenting one of the most deadliest sports known to man, beard growing. Enchanted by this marvel of an idea, I decided to do some book learnin’ to get a better understanding of the culture behind this phenomena.
A steak in one hand and my mouse in the other, I scrolled through the hallowed pages of Wikipedia learning all I could about the famous beards men throughout time. From Erik the Red to Brad Pitt, I found that bearded men have always been a part of our culture. It’s only been in recent times however that they have been persecuted in favor of smooth faces such as myself. For the first time in my life I am ashamed because genetically I will never be able to grow a beard in such a fashion as the fine men on this program.
Whisker Wars premieres Friday, August 5th at 11:00pm EST on the International Film Channel. I don’t like to play favorites but I have my eyes set on Jack Passion. His mastery of the wind is the notch that will take him over the edge and help him defeat Bryan Nelson in the tournament.
I give Whisker Wars my highest honor, the Coyote Man-Paw-Chest (+ Nipple) of Approval
Today’s post made possible by the free wifi at Krystal’s house. Krystal’s house…always there when I fuck up.