Rashad Trek 3: The Quest For Porn

~Metro Point Saga~

11/11/09

Rashad Trek 3: The Quest For Porn

 

A week had gone by since the Insurrection incident yet the prospect of returning to the magical porn shop had been been burning in my brain since. I knew the only way to quell the fire was to go back and finish what I had started, To make history and do what no other Rashad Rush had done before. Many of you reading this may be thinking, “so what, congrats on being a perv and buying what you could get for free;” but you would be wrong in your assessment.

The mission, this quest, was not simply about buying porn. It was about the adventure of one man defying the odds and obtaining his dream of employment in an adult themed environment. A vision that I like to believe all men share, of working side by side with the working girls of America and shouting, “I am!” But in order to fully tell this tale I have to begin at the beginning.

 

The day began as any other. I awoke to my first sensation of the morning, pain. Due to me being a gym rat, I’m constantly running miles, beefing up, and defying the limitations of mere mortals. I immediately groan as I remember that I have a gradient drawing due in a few days. After a light breakfast of Life maple syrup and brown sugar cereal, a pear, and tilapia fish, I procrastinate with my PS2 for a few hours before I finish up my drawing.

 

With my homework finished and maximum fun time achieved on my PS2, I noticed I had some free time before class. Just enough time in fact to embark on a quest. I jumped to my feet, turned my swag on, put on my grey running shoes and cream hoodie and walked out the door. Before I left I paused and took a look back at the life I was leaving behind.

 

Would I survive this trip? And if I did, would I be the same? Who knows, but for the price of porn, my goddess it was worth it. I made my way outside and thanked the heavens that there was no rain in sight. No sooner than I lift my foot to take another step, the sky begins to drizzle. I thought for a moment, maybe I should turn back and wait for a sunnier day. My feet however had their toes on the prize and I continued to march.

 

Half way out of the parking lot of my dormitory, Lady Misfortune strikes yet again. I’m walking along the side walk when all of a sudden a maelstrom of knats appears out of no where and begin buzzing all around me. All I could do was cover my eyes and mouth as I soldiered through the fog of pests. Free of the knats, I was now off campus grounds and the real test would begin. Could I navigate my way to my destination without getting lost?

 

Amazingly, I made it to Insurrection with no quarrel but now I was at a crossroads. I could take the easy route, go to Insurrection and call it a day or I could do the unthinkable; skip Insurrection, put a two step in my Magellan and explore the many other porn shops down the road. When ever I make a tough decision I sometimes fall back on the words of friends and they would always tell me “Rashad stop being lazy and do it the right way.” For once I took their advice. Against the elements and the zooming automobiles I battled on till I passed the kingdom of Tech. As I climbed over the hill separating Ga Tech from the main street, I saw something I had only before heard of in old wise tales, the Salvation Army.

 

As a youth, I had heard stories of the Salvation Army. A great kingdom where the common folk donated their old goods where they could be bought again at next to nothing prices. My good friend John had once told me stories of when he used to work there. His tales of discount video games and rare items had always enthralled me and I knew I had to see if the legends were true with my own eyes. And what is an adventure without its side quest so into the doors of the Salvation Army I entered.

 

As a veteran bargain hunter, it was easy for me to scan the store for multimedia items. With my target engaged I headed to the back of the store. I saw nothing that caught my fancy, just a bunch of old cassette tapes, records, and books. I decide to browse the cd stack in hopes of finding a rare gem. During my browsing, this older woman began to make conversation with me. Already I could tell she was a hungry cougar lookin for a quick meal.

 

Apparently this cougar was a teacher looking for some wholesome holiday music for a Christmas play they were giving to the kids at her school, or so she says. My suspicions of her cougary were fully confirmed when she suggested I try the Sunset Park soundtrack and quickly added in “so how old are you? I tell her I’m 23 and she replies “oh you’re probably too young for this.” I could have countered her ignorance with a “Sunset Park it’s time to represent! Sunset Park what time is it?” but that would have prolonged the conversation. Any other day I would of busted out a cool 23 (Jordan!) and combo’d with an “in college” but I didn’t have time to play with this cat. I was a man on a mission and that mission was porn.

 

After purchasing a Talib Kwali: Quality and Gang Starr: Moment of Truth, I resumed my quest. After walking for a few more minutes I finally found my target, Studio 63. Studio 63 was a strip club that had its own discount video library. I walked up to the door and rang the buzzer for entry into its ebon gates. Seconds passed and no one came. I began to get nervous. Maybe this was a bad idea?

 

Suddenly if felt as if the entire world was watching me. I wanted to just walk away but I had come so far. If I left without proof of the journey everyone would think of me a punk. So I rang the buzzer again. Shortly afterwards, a lady answered the door in full stripper uniform which included a black bra, panties, purple stockings, and heels. I told her I was looking for the video room and she politely informed me that the video room was next door. Then she called me sweetie and went back inside.

 

My self respect points increased instantly by 100. Not only did I talk to a stripper but she called me sweetie. Fuck yeah! Once again my boyish good looks charm another victim. I enter the door on my left and walk up the staircase. On my right is a brightly lit room, its walls decorated to the brim with cases of brightly assorted dvds. In the center of the room lies a circle of rectangular steps. Behind the steps are glass cases full of multicolored condoms in assorted shapes and sizes.

 

Behind the glass fortress of condoms sits a thickly shaped woman. As explore the walls I am immediately disappointed. This store had the word “discount” in its title but the first thing I see is as $30.00 movie. As I continue to search, the cheapest movies I can find are priced at $16 bucks. Clearly I had been lied to. Clearly there were no discounts to be found in this store.

 

I continued to rummage a while longer while the clerk watched her Tyra Banks show and finally made my decision. While checking out, I asked if they were hiring and to my surprise she said the manager was looking for someone last week. She gave me a business card and told me to call back in the morning.

 

As I walked back home I reviewed my accomplishments for the day. New music, cougar attack, compliment from a stripper, and possible job opportunity. Long story short, mission accomplished.

 

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6 responses to “Rashad Trek 3: The Quest For Porn

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Am i wrong?...Am i?..And the church said

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