You’re sitting around under a tree at a park, trying to be deep and shit and then BAM! Like lightning inspiration strikes you and you think of this marvel idea that will change the face of the world as we know it. You race back home to log on to your blog account, no, scratch that. You log into your blog account instantly from your iPad because in this fictional reality, you’re a fucking “GANGSTA.” You post your ground breaking thesis online and wait…and wait…..aaaaaand wait. To no avail. It’s been 4 minutes and you’ve acquired no comments, no likes, no nada.
chump champ, we’ve all been there. That’s why today I will bestow upon all of you out there my secret and proven true techniques to increase bandwidth which will in turn increase that self esteem, mmhm!
Step # 57: The Accidental Discovery
The Accidental Discovery or “TAD” is a unique stratagem in which you are asking people to view your blog without actually asking them. How do you that you ask? Don’t worry this is some top shelf gung fu, jedi mind trick type shit but I’m going to break it down in a way that everyone can understand.
Step 1: INCEPTION
The goal here is to get the idea of your blog into people’s consciousness but not actually telling them about it first hand. In order to do this you need 2 things.
A popular friend and a facebook account.
From here simply post a link to your absolute best blog entry on to your popular friend’s facebook account. Doing this allows your popular friends’ friends to see your link. Once they see the link their curiosity will have been triggered and BAM! Instant traffic to your blog. But wait, in my haste I forgot, there is another skill you’ll need before we go to step 1 so lets back track a little bit.
Step 0: BECOMING AN INTERESTING FIGURE
Lets face it, no matter how many times you try to inception people, it will never work if people don’t give a damn about you either way. If this is the case then you’ll need to do some things to boost your popularity level. It’s not hard and there are many things you can do to achieve this. Committing a felony, (including but not limited to kidnapping, assault, etc) disappearing without a trace for an odd number of days/weeks, creating a diss record, etc. I won’t go into the full list of possibilities, you’ll have to figure it out on your own. What ever you choose to do just make sure you PUBLICIZE it.
That’s it really. A sure-fire way to get some hits for your blog. This method won’t work all the time but don’t you fret, there are 100 other ways to get the same desired effect. Join us next time as we go over stratagem #89: FAKING YOUR DEATH AND POSTING FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE