Awktards Anonymous

Hi, my name is ________, and I’m an awktard.

awk·tard

[awk-tard]  

adjective

1.

Awktardation- It’s a type of mental retardation, when chemicals in your brain freeze up when you are scurred/unsure about a situation.

The snipping of operatable brain waves leaves the victim in a paralyzed, “awkward” state of mind.

———-

Awkwardness, like any self respecting STD, is highly contagious, especially to those mutually attracted to each other.

 

My Story

As for my personal experience, it began when I was a child. I kinda always had a hunch that I was different but I really didn’t know for sure until about the 6th grade. A human I was attracted to started speaking to me and it was as if someone short circuited my brain.

I literally just stood there paralyzed.

And well… the situation got awkward and she left. And that’s when I really knew…I was an awktard.

The worse part of being an awktard are the sheer amount of people i’ve let down. If you could take a list of all the people I’ve infected, it would wrap around the Great Wall of Chine twice and possibly be visible from space.

Sometime I just stay up at night thinking, “damn, if only I hadn’t of gotten my sister awkward….where would she be now?”

 

The Future?

Is there hope? Maybe…currently the only treatment for Awktardation is subcontherapy.  A technique involving taking all the metal issues that cause the awkwardmess, and burying them under a layer(s) of subconscious.

Will there be a cure in my lifetime? I dunno, hopefully. I hear there is research being done in South America. In countries like Brazil there is this flower called revolution. The spores are released via fire and the resulting flower only sprouts in the ashes of toppled facist regimes.

———–

Treatment

Awktardation affects billions of people around the globe daily, or so we assume. Unfortunately we did not have the funding or social skills necessary to pursue an accurate survey but nonetheless, the numbers are accurate. If you feel like you are suffering from the following ailments…

-being human

You might also be suffering from Awktardation. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx for further guidance on how you can lead a better life, starting today.

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Am i wrong?...Am i?..And the church said

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