The Coyote User Manuel (Model 2014)

Recently I’ve been offending a shit ton of people, mostly by being me, so I decided to take out my trusty, handy, dandy, notebook and create a user manual of myself, for you, so that you understand…

 

(1)

My face is retardedly gay

Not gay in the modern, homosexual sense of the word but the old timey type of gay. The type that’s happy and excited but my face needs no reason to be happy, it just always is….smirkin and shit. Usually about something funny you weren’t around for that I won’t tell you about because

 

a. you had to be there

b. its most likely a secret and while i may be a heart breaker and a soul crusher i’ll never be a rat-face snitch

 

Problem is when people catch me in this sensitive moment they mistake the smile on my face for kindness…directed at them

NO!

Don’t do that. It’s just an illusiooooooon!

The worst part is once the smile starts it can’t be stopped. It’s like a custom made filibuster for my face.

 

Realistically on most days I’m prolly trying to avoid all human contact, physical and verbal (no discrimination).  Unless I’m attracted to you, which you’ll know by the inability of my tongue to form simple words and sentences. But that’s another story for another chapter.

 

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Am i wrong?...Am i?..And the church said

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