Or Maybe

Maybe he was best fit for the frontier life
Tall grasses swaying in the wind
long, sweaty, summer days complete with
apple pies coolin on a window sill…

Or maybe
he was just bullshitting himself
Influenced by a cheesy period flick
Like butterless popcorn to most but
he had a fetish
a certain attraction to these old timey filters
as if somehow familiar..

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Stands Aside

As an American citizen knowledgable and empathetic about the corrupt policies the empire in which i reside enforces upon forign nations. And the millions of innocent lives lost then, now and in future times; I apologize.

The values on my empire, the culture of my empire, is pig shit. I accept no part of it. And i’d move, somewhere far away. But then i fear, one day, my government would find me and bomb me too.

Then again, even if i remained, they’d do it here too. Seems the safest place to res(h)ide is in the belly of the beast.

The Hetero-Lesbo Connection

What i love most about art is its subjectivity. FELLAS! If you see a beautiful painting walking down the street, maybe highlighted in turquoise yoga pants and or booty shorts, are you gonna not look at it? Survey says “Fucking No.”

I say this becuse Men and you too Lesbians, we are both on an eve of great wonder. “If my calculations are correct” (Billy. Power Ranger.Nerd) this summer is going to be a scorcher of apocalyptic proportions and that equals a lot of scant articles of clothing on steamy, glistening, bodies.

Men, Lesbos, let us all take a moment to bow our heads and reflect on these prophosized times ahead. Let us use this oppertunitty in global warming to UNITE in the joint operation of art appreciation. Because if you ask me (which you didnt), ladies, the hueman body is a work of art. Dont be shy to show it off. Fuck your parents LOL.

Lesbos, I know, I know…Histtorically you and Men have not seen eye to eye on many an issue. In most cases a defunct penis is what caused you to forsake men in the first place. But I ask of thee, let us put our past differences behind us! You like girls, we like girls, for the love of bootius maximus, LETS LIKE GIRLS TOGETHER!

As “King of All Assholes” and “Closet Hero of Men” I offer my humble penis (his name is Hammer) to do with whhat you will (no weird shit) so that this edict may become law; bound in the miracle of fluids that sires life unto the earth.

The dick is on the table Lesbos…the dick…is on the table.

Msg 2 the Otherside

Only YOU can prevent forest fires ineffect changing the world

Continue to rebel against the outdated designs of your guardians. Even if you are disowned or slandered, if your guardians truly love you they will inevitably accept you over their dogmas. Take it from me, a guys who’s been kicked out of his home/disowned more times than i can count for religious and political beliefs.

If your guardians truly love you, they will return for you when they realize the folly of their own faults. And if not, well, why continue to obey someone who has proven they don’t care about your basic human beliefs that makeup who you are as a human being?

Do what you have to do to survive physically. Lie, cheat, steal, whatever it takes. But in your mind and in your heart continue to remain independently true to the real you until you can escape to higher ground. And if possible, always bring with you a friend(s) you can trust. The path of exile can be a lonely one on your own. But even so look on the bright side, how many of you as individuals can they cast out into the street before you clump together like mucous membrane.

Ever tried to remove snot from a tissue? Kinda sticky.

Why This Joke Was Funny

Authors note: A few days ago I tweeted the joke “Feelin like Ernie Reyes Jr in a ninja fight #sidelines” but no one laughed. I’m assuming the joke went over everyone’s head so i’ll be taking the time today to dissect the joke so you guys can get a second opportunity to reclaim some of those cool points you lost earlier in the week.

ernie jr cover fitnessErnie Reyes Jr is an actor/martial artist who played the role of Keno in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze. Keno was left behind with Splinter during the final confrontation with Shredder because it was not his fight. Thus, he was sidelined. Here is a clip to get a better understanding.

Apprentice

I taught you everything I know about the dark. So that if I ever lost control, you’d know how to kill me. But when the time came you couldn’t pull the trigger. Your eyes blinded by what used to be. Unable to face the tragedy standing at the end of the barrel.