The Master

i know you want me
Can see that look in your eyes
But truth is darlin
Im one of those guys
Your mother warned you about
See i never have much to say
Too smart for my own good and
Have tamed my carnal desires
Rarely will i ever need your help
Dont believe me
Just ask Leftie

The Hetero-Lesbo Connection

What i love most about art is its subjectivity. FELLAS! If you see a beautiful painting walking down the street, maybe highlighted in turquoise yoga pants and or booty shorts, are you gonna not look at it? Survey says “Fucking No.”

I say this becuse Men and you too Lesbians, we are both on an eve of great wonder. “If my calculations are correct” (Billy. Power Ranger.Nerd) this summer is going to be a scorcher of apocalyptic proportions and that equals a lot of scant articles of clothing on steamy, glistening, bodies.

Men, Lesbos, let us all take a moment to bow our heads and reflect on these prophosized times ahead. Let us use this oppertunitty in global warming to UNITE in the joint operation of art appreciation. Because if you ask me (which you didnt), ladies, the hueman body is a work of art. Dont be shy to show it off. Fuck your parents LOL.

Lesbos, I know, I know…Histtorically you and Men have not seen eye to eye on many an issue. In most cases a defunct penis is what caused you to forsake men in the first place. But I ask of thee, let us put our past differences behind us! You like girls, we like girls, for the love of bootius maximus, LETS LIKE GIRLS TOGETHER!

As “King of All Assholes” and “Closet Hero of Men” I offer my humble penis (his name is Hammer) to do with whhat you will (no weird shit) so that this edict may become law; bound in the miracle of fluids that sires life unto the earth.

The dick is on the table Lesbos…the dick…is on the table.

On Heart Breaking

This poster confesses, throughout his life he has broken many hearts and worse, made a few of them cry, both male and female. The cause of these fractures however was never intentional. Like Micheal advised, I never went around trying to break young girls hearts but sometimes young girls may try to force a a piece into a puzzle that doesn’t fit. And upon realizing the puzzle wants no part of the piece the young girls, I’ve noticed, get really…fucking…vindictive. Why is this?

I’m no lady so I can’t say fo sure however, I have spent my fair share of time in many a girls night (long story…didnt mean to, just kinda happened) and i have a humble theory. Traditionally in our American culture, men are the hunters women the gatherers in that men are expected to seek out women and women are expected to sit back, relax, and enjoy thier pick of the litter. In effect men ae used to rejection generally while women…not so much. So when a woman gets rejected, it seems they take it really hard.

So hard that some might go out of their way to hunt down a man, corner him, and enforce upon him some kind of reaction in effect raping him of his personal space and time (RIP Patrice). Some go harder than that, employing  men compassionate of their boos and hoos, to seek out the said heartbreaker with the intent of inflicting verbal or physical abuse. Some go the hardest, creating an entire secret society and manipulating its members with intent to shame the said heatbreaker into suicide or some other crazy shit.

How do I know this? Well son, the tactic was attempted on me and like I said, I’ve been to my share of girl talks. Not that all of them go this route but the ones with male hating psychos usually do. And…I guess I should confess…those type of chicks turn me on. But only if they single. 😉

Stay classy.

On the subject of men, well, this one has always been a mystery to me. When it comes to my relationship with men its always been on a dude type level. Yo dude, sup dude, se ya later dude, you know, typical dude shit. But see I’ve never really been a typical dude. I was always more of a lone wolf type. I prefered hanging with myself or women because the dudes I grew up with were always on some dumb shit. For me really annoying. And I never meant any ill intent when I would avoid these dudes or try to skip out on the usual dude shit going on but when the time came to drop them, I could see the hurt reflected in their eyes.

And this always confused me as a younger men because then I was not sympathetic to males as much as I was to females (call it a selfish endeveaour I suppose). See as dudes we sterotypically are only supposed to care about pussy, and getting pussy, and critiquing the pussy of this cat to the pussy of that cat and the next. For me this rationale got boring quick because for one i felt like a dick treating women like sexual conquests and it was never really my style to kiss and tell, i was always more of a silent fucker, still am.

See all the macho shit blinded me from a simple reality. Dudes are human too. Even though they sterotypically cant admit it, men have feelings too. Men care, men cry, men die without ever really being free to emotionally express themselves fully beccause if they do they might be labeled gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or weak. So men have to become emotiional ninjas to ensure their genetic survival because traditionally no woman wants to fuck a weak man (all her “friends” might laugh). And becaue of this high level of emotional ninjitsu, sometimes its hard for other men to notice when they’ve hurt a friend; maybe even one they call best.

i’d say to men who fit this description, to avoid future heartbreaks, stop acting like a hypocritical bitch, attacking one man for choosing to express his emotions and then getting mad when someone else tramples over yours. If you can’t say it, write it, if you cant write it play it, if you can’t play it, dance it, if you can’t dance it draw it, if you cant draw it, watch it, hear it, fucking smell it. If you can’t fit into any of these solutions you better find one quick cuz this shit is killing you. i only know cuz it happened to…well…it happend to this guy i knew once. His name was Yo! i try to honor him every chance i get.