We’ve all experienced them, maybe they talk too damn much, have a bad odor, or make loud noises when they eat. Whatever the grievance they have been categorized as annoying people and as annoying people the one trait superpower that they all seem to share is the ability to fucking ALWAYS track you down. You could be in the middle of Antarctica on an archeological expedition and this bastard will pop up out of the hole you just dug claiming he fell into a rift in the time/space continuum. Just like a bad horror flick, there is no escape.
Always check your corners before crossing. Annoying people use these to travel. Anywhere on Earth that there is a corner, an annoying person can instantly warp there.
But fear not citizen, you’ve suffered their intrusive behavior for long enough. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. No longer do you have to cower in fear taking roundabout ways to the water cooler because you-know-who might pop up from around the corner. Before we go into tactics however lets explore the root of the problem so you can understand more about yourself before finding the solution.
Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment, you’re kind of a push over aren’t you? You’re the type of person who will put up with a lot of shit only to lash out 5 years later in burst of emotion that will have everyone standing around as witness thinking you’re a crazy person. That’s why you’re still reading this post and that’s okay; this guide is for you.
You’re ass hole friend Steve doesn’t need this guide because he’s warded off his threat years ago. See an asshole can smell the scent of an annoying person in the air (look it up) as an animal can smell fear. One look at his target and he already knows what he must do. Before the annoyance can even utter his first sentence the asshole already has a counter measure up his sleeve and WHAMO, just like that, the annoyance is defeated and the asshole continues on his day.
The “Mush” a great technique in dealing with an annoying person. Notice the technique here. The hand is covering the mouth leaving the annoying person unable to talk while leaving a small gap for him to perform the basic bodily functions like breathing. Bravo!
Not everyone has this power though and for those who don’t there is an alternate solution that is less direct in making this problem go away. The answer…
HANG OUT WITH ANOTHER ANNOYING PERSON
Crazy talk you say? No, it’s true. Just like injecting yourself with the venom of a different type of snake to counteract the venom of the snake that poisoned you, this maneuver works in the very same way.
As bothersome as your annoying person is you have to remember the golden rule of humanity, everyone has an annoyance. You might be thinking if person A annoys me why would I want to hang out with someone who annoys him? This person must be double annoying, right? Wrong.
Remember the quote “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” chances are, this mystery annoyance may very well be a reasonable member of society, someone who you may even have things in common with. Hell, the mere fact that you both don’t like the same person is a great way to start an initial conversation. Because if there is one thing that I’ve learned over the years, its that no human can bypass a good gossip fest about someone they despise.
Once you’ve found and befriended this person the rest is easy. Your annoying person will see that you’re hanging out with HIS annoying person and will think twice about approaching you. Keep this up and they may leave you alone entirely.
Don’t feel sad for her. That’s how you got in this mess in the first place.
Some annoying people are more troublesome to get rid of however. Some won’t leave you alone without a fight and may even try to demonize your new pal. “I hate that guy, he’s always so mean to me” or ” she double dips!” Don’t panic this just means that you’re on the right path to freedom. Just keep hanging out with your new bud and before you know it your nightmare will be a distant memory.